“ No mom nobody likes me!” As she threw her head against the pillow and let out all her tears.
“ Adriana, just listen to me, you are having another one of your meltdowns and just need to take a couple of breaths and calm down.” it was one o’clock in the morning ad Adriana was having another meltdown and she can never handle it herself so she goes to her mom and cries herself to sleep. This meltdown was particularly one of her “ long ones”.
She threw her arms In the air and said, ”why does everyone hate me, I just don’t understand I might as well kill myself now”
“No! No! No! don’t say that cause you know its not true and why do you think nobody likes you? , you have friends over all the time!” She said frustrated that she would not calm down so she could go back to sleep.
“ Did you forget to take your pills before you went to bed last night?” The mom said as she put her arm around Adriana to comfort her so she would calm down. About an hour later which was three in the morning they both fell asleep. In the morning Adriana’s sister asked her mom what was going on last night. The mom responded, “ oh, nothing your sister was just up really late last night cause she couldn’t fall asleep.” Brittany knew that was a lie cause she had heard the whole conversation laying in her bed last night. But she took that answer from her mom cause if she had told her that she heard she would have got in trouble. Adriana came walking down the hall happy as could be so no one knew she had a meltdown, but the truth was her sister heard the whole thing and was very concerned about it.
I like how ur beginning starts of so strong with the statement "No mom nobody likes me!". I think that was a very good hook and way to drawl the attention of a reader. Things that could be worked on I would have to say is after u say "Brittany knew that whole thing waa a lie". Everything after that can be expanded or detailed a little more cause it leaves with to mamy questions. If u just add more detail,gestures,feelings and more this would be way better. I think you did a really good job on this.(:
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